Books, Banks & Baby sites

Oh, the research!

My couch, netbook, Google and Amazon.com became my new best friends. Not having a clue where to begin, I typed "artificial insemination" into the Google search field. After bypassing "how to" articles and unsightly images of cow inseminations, I was faced with a slew of unfamiliar acronyms: IUI, ICI, IVF...the list goes on.

It didn't take me long to learn that the term "artificial" is quite archaic in the insemination community. The word "donor" is preferred, as "artificial" insinuates that there is something not real about babies born from donor sperm. I get it and I totally agree.  DI, it is.

Overwhelmed by the wealth of information on the world wide web and getting totally confused by the lingo, I soon longed for a book that would break it all down for me, and explain the process plain and simple. Maybe someone had the sense to publish a "Donor Insemination for Dummies" out there?

The thought gave me an idea. I searched Amazon.com for books related to DI. I found a few good ones and ordered them just in time for summer vacation - I had my reading list for the summer all lined up!

I ordered and later read:

1.  Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood  by, Jane Mattes
In my opinion, this is the absolute necessary guidebook for women who are choosing this path.  It covers a wealth of information, offers terrific resources and also covers adoption. 

2.  Choosing You: Deciding to Have a Baby on My Own by, Alexandra Soiseth

This one was ok.  Much of the beginning was focused on how the author needed to loose a significant amount of weight before heading down her path.  Her story is inspirational, though I would have preferred to get right to the point. 

 

3.    Knock Yourself Up: No Man? No Problem: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom by, Louise Sloan

Loved this one.  With a title like this, how could you not?  This was a collection of testimonials and short stories about women who have traveled my journey.  It had a very positive, "you can do it" vibe that I really appreciated.  Easy read, made for a great book in Indonesia - also sparked a lot of conversations when people noticed the cover!

 

4.  Sperm Donor = Dad: A Single Woman's Story of Creating a Family With an Unknown Donor  by, Cheryl Shuler

Enjoyed this one too.  Quick read, with a feel good ending.  This success story is about a women who connected with other families who used her donor's sperm and then connected and started a relationship with the donor and his family, using the Donor Sibling Registry - a website where families using DI can post their donor's # and info with hopes of meeting other families who used the same donor. 

 

In addition, I also found very useful websites, with loads of information:
　
1.  http://www.choosingsinglemotherhood.com/
2.  http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/
3.  http://www.singlemothersbychoice.com/

As I waited for my books to arrive, I continued my research on-line. I discovered that the procedure I needed was "IUI," or intrauterine insemination. A procedure in which "washed" sperm, or sperm that has been separated from the semen and other chemicals that may impair fertilization, is injected directly into the uterus via a syringe and flexible catheter - the ole "turkey baster" method.

With that in mind - next stop - sperm banks!  Earlier in the year, my gynecologist had sent me home with a list of sperm banks recommended by Kaiser. She personally suggested one in Berkley, The Sperm Bank of California: http://www.thespermbankofca.org/, which is notably the first and only non-profit sperm bank in the United States.  

Though a good number of their clients are gay, TSBC, also caters to heterosexual couples and single women like me. I was impressed by their mission statement and philosophy.  Furthermore, I was surprised to discover that the bank posted their donor log on-line!

I of course checked it out! It was fun to peruse the donor's profiles, read their physical descriptions and paint a picture in my head. Though I was disappointed to find that the majority of the men were Caucasian (I wanted someone of mixed race like me), I was impressed that this bank had a policy that limited each donor's pregnancies to 10. In other words, after 10 pregnancies were reported, the donor's sperm would no longer be available. I liked that, as I had read that some banks do not have a limit, therefore a donor could potentially have hundreds of children around the world!

I also learned while surfing this site, that I had a choice between "yes" donors or "WTBK" donors. These donors are "Willing to Be Known" and have signed contracts agreeing to allow children born with their sperm to contact them at age 18, should they wish, opposed to anonymous donors, who's identities will always be kept private. I liked the thought of my child having the opportunity to meet their biological father and want my child to have the choice to do so, should he choose to.

Because I'm all about knowing my options, I decided to check out a few more sperm banks on-line. The only other one that I considered was the Califonia Cryobank, http://www.cryobank.com/, which has several locations throughout California, though none in San Francisco.  Initially, I was turned off by this website. There were flashy pop-ups advertising "The Donor of the Month," notices reading "Donor #12345 is now available - again!" and offers promising a free vial of sperm when three were purchased. Sales pitches, flashy pictures and catchy fonts, so very commercialized - yuck! So far away from the fuzzy- warm pledge of the Berkley bank.

Despite all its sales gimmicks, I decided to check out their donor log. Whoa! It didn't take me long to figure out that I would not be able to scroll down and check out each profile, like I did at the first bank. No, this bank had thousands of donors - this required a "profile search."

Very much like on-line dating, you plug in your desired physical features and personality traits and it spits out hundreds of matches. To narrow your search, you can select race, religious preferences, educational achievements, blood type, anonymous vs known identities among several other traits. By selecting from drop down boxes in several of these categories, I was able to narrow my search down to 30ish.

To help me narrow my choices down even more, I had my sistrens come over with their laptops one Friday evening. I presented my clipboard of "requirements" and they set out searching both the Berkeley bank and Cryobank for donors meeting my desired traits. After a hilarious evening of "oohing" and "aaahing" not only had several of the girls also discovered their dream men, but they had helped me to narrow my choices to three at each bank! Oddly, or maybe not, they had chosen men that I had previously had my eye on! My sistrens know me so well!

In the end, it turned out that I didn't chose any of the donors we all worked so hard to find.  In addition, I didn't go with either of the above banks!  More on that next time! 

A check in...
It's been 11 days since the insemination. Strangely, the wait hasn't been as torturous as I had expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, I do feel impatient and eager to know if one of the swimmers successfully penetrated the walls of one of my eggs.  I've lived the last 11 days assuming that I am pregnant. I gave up my favorite unpasteurized cheese, brie, steered clear of sushi, broke my morning one cup of coffee pattern (ok, I cheated on two days), and steered clear of any second hand smoke.

The first 3-4 days following the insemination, I felt crampy, bloated and super gassy. Then, by the time the weekend rolled around, I was feeling, well...regular. No signs. I much preferred the cramps and gas...at the very least, they made it feel like something was going on down there!

Still, today, 11 days later, I feel normal. Boo.  I find myself hoping to wake up with the urge to throw up or craving pickles with ice cream!  Haha!

I've even visited several sites boasting early symptoms of pregnancy, hoping to find something...anything to suggest I'm PG. Excitedly, I recognized and identified several that had occurred in the days since the insemination. The problem is however, that several of the suggested symptoms (gas, bloating, cramps, headaches and fatigue) could be due to PMS. Worst of all, now that I know the symptoms, any sign or incling my body gives me to suggest I'm pregnant, I start to over analyze whether it's truly a symptom. Ugh!

For example, the other day, I noticed a bit of blood when I spit after brushing my teeth - that made me think of the woman who said her gums bled when she was pregnant. Or when I accidentally brush my breasts against something, my nipples are sensitive and hurt a bit - another pregnancy symptom. Am I pregnant or just cold? I went to bed early a couple of nights last week - pregnant? Or just a tiring work week? And of course there's the eating. Well, I always eat a lot - so that's no help!

I guess, all there is to do is wait out the last three days. I'll take the pregnancy test Wednesday morning. Pray and think of me when you wake this Wednesday!!!
Oh, and finally, don't be afraid to ask me how I'm feeling. After several silent days of wondering whether people remembered that I had been inseminated, I found out from someone that she didn't want to ask me how I was doing because she thought I was already tortured enough by the wait and didn't want to bring it up for fear of arousing the anxiety. No, that's not the case at all! I would love for you to inquire - tells me that you're thinking of me and what's on my mind is on yours too! Shows you care! So ask away!