Plan C

The Decision

I should note that I made a gallant effort at Plan A.  I did fall in love.  We did discuss marriage.  We kidded each other about the not-so reputable genes our kids would inherit from each other, and defended ourselves at the same time, by noting the fine qualities we each had to offer.  Yes, yes, it was all fun and games until thirty-something rolled around and I was still single, living with mom and crying at the sight of baby food commercials.

Pathetic?  Perhaps.  Though hitting that low kicked started me to step it up and go back to school.  Refocus, revitalize, renew.  I was productive, taking charge and keeping my mind off of a broken relationship that I had once thought was going to bring me family and movement.

I entered into my "It's all about me year."  A blissful year in which my motto was "sign me up."  I re-connected with friends, went out on school nights (what a rebel), and became a regular at the Hukilau, where the chant "will dance for drinks" and several performances of Hanalei Moon delivered free shots for the table.  Good times.

I was spending more time with me.  Getting comfortable in my skin.  Learning what self-love meant.  I was single.  Huh, what a concept.  After bouncing from one relationship into another without time to breathe, I had forgotten who I was.  Or, perhaps I never knew...

I took a trip - alone.  For five weeks, I lived in a foreign land amongst strangers.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, and entered a chaotic world of translating menus and road signs on a daily basis, getting lost, debating where to sleep at night and learning how to use Asian toilets.  Alone.  All alone.  What better way to get re-acquainted with myself?

I absolutely loved it.  Every bit.  Traveling on planes, trains, automobiles, buses (oh, the buses) tuk tuks, bikes, carriages; experiencing new cultures, tasting unidentifiable foods, meeting new people, taking in the amazing and breathtaking sites...all of it.

My solo trek to Japan and Thailand was a spark that ignited a passion to travel alone.  It led to several more journeys across the great Pacific to Vietnam, Cambodia and Indonesia.  Gallivanting across Southeast Asia offered powerful learning experiences about the world outside my bubble and more importantly about the person inside that bubble. 

The expeditions granted me soul searching opportunities and fed my spiritual-being.  Visits to temples, reciting prayers, giving thanks, meditation practice, being immersed and surrounded by Mother Earth's breathtaking beauty, allowed me to contemplate my purpose in this lifetime, ponder my passions, hopes and dreams, and consider whether I was fulfilling them.

Yes, I was definitely taking steps to achieving my goals.  I had graduated - again.  I now held an administrative degree which would allow me to further my career, should I so desire.  I was spending time with myself, not loosing myself in a relationship. I moved out of my mother's house and into my own space after 33 years.  I was happier, more confident, independent and proud.  And, I was still missing something...

Luckily, the Sistrens helped me to find it...