Guess Who's Baaaaaack???

Well, in just a week's time I had made some considerable strides.  I buckled down to write a heartfelt letter, mustered up the courage to send the letter, waited patiently for a reply and finally, respectfully accepted the answer.  I felt proud of my growth, yet after all the movement, I was still left without a donor.

Not having vials on reserve or a donor number to claim as my own was making me nervous. I did have however, the details of three potential donors jotted down on a clipboard, should I need them in a case of an emergency. Well, sound the alarm, this was an emergency!  I needed to choose one of the lucky potentials so that I could have vials prepared for my upcoming cycle.

Over the course of the week, while waiting for the answer to the million dollar question, I had returned to the clipboard and actually considered settling on one of the three donor potentials.   As usual, being the thinker and planner that I naturally am, I wanted to be prepared in case the answer to my proposal was "no."  My initial thought was to purchase vials right away, not wait for this guy's response and to take care of my needs.  I couldn't let the actions of this man sway or veer me off course.

After much consideration I opted to wait for his reply.  I came to my senses, recognized that I had just made the ballsiest move of my lifetime, and opened myself up to a grand opportunity.   If I had went ahead and purchased before knowing his response, I would have not only slammed shut the door of opportunity upon myself, but I would have dishonored my growth and the momentous moves I had achieved.

So I stuck it out, waited out the week and got my answer.   Having no judgement or regrets that I waited, I got back to business the very next day after the phone call. I reviewed the donor's details I had scribbled on my clipboard.  Not crazy with any of them, I decided to visit the PRS website just in case more donors had been recently added. As I perused the donor catalog, my jaw literally dropped as I saw before me on the screen "5696" back on the catalog!  I was speechless. I was utterly confused. I was told months ago that he had reached his family limit and was off the catalog for good. Was this some kind of mistake? Or was this for real? Since it was after business hours, I set the alarm on my phone to remind me to call first thing in the morning.

Moments before 9AM, I was on the phone with PRS. Indeed, 5696 was back on the market! I inquired as to why I was given misinformation and explained the turmoil it sent me through, dealing with the disappointment and having to search for a new donor. The receptionist apologized and verified that he was barely half way to his family limit. He had been taken off temporarily as his specimens were out of stock and in quarantine. 

Ok, moving on, enough small talk! Please reserve three vials for me right away! Fearful that he would again run out of vials, I offered to pick up the vials in two days.   I was paranoid that if I purchased and stored them at PRS for too long that they would swoop them away from me to give to current families of 5696. This is a rare situation, but something that could occur, as the clinic caters to families seeking to have siblings.  So, knowing that this was a possibility, I figured if I picked my vials up, swept them off to Kaiser for storage, then they would me mine ALL mine (muahahahah)!

When I went to pick up my little guys, I was told they could only give me two vials instead of the three that I requested. Since the prepurchase, two days prior, the lab realized that several of the vials had already been prepurchased and reserved for other women. I was getting what was left. Ok, whatever, give them to me NOW!!! I wasn't going to feel satisfied and safe until the tank was placed at my feet! Of course I was disappointed I wasn't getting what I requested, but what mattered was that there were two for me! Must have vials now!!! 

Though I couldn't wait to whisk them away, I asked them to call me later in the day to let me know when more vials would be available. I was told later that afternoon that the vials currently in quarantine wouldn't be available until October! And as it stood, there were only about a dozen available, as some had already been prepurchased! 5696 was quite the popular stud! I took my chances and decided to not prepurchase additional vials. I was going to take a gamble with the pair I had secured within the walls of Kaiser. They were officially mine ALL mine!

So, a frustrating experience? Yes, indeed. Being told my donor wasn't available anymore was devastating. The stress of searching new sperm banks and other potential donors - ugh, tiring, daunting and discouraging! And was it worth it? Every single nanosecond!

You know there's a lesson in this one, right? Have you figured it out yet? Well, it hit me like a boulder the moment I laid eyes on 5696's number back on the catalog. Consider the timing. When was it that I checked the donor catalog? The day AFTER finding out my answer to the million dollar question. Still not making the connection? Let me spell it out...

If donor 5696 had never been taken off the charts, I would have gone along my merry away, trying to get pregnant. Consider however, what occurred in the weeks that followed 5696 being removed from the catalog...yes, panic, stress and overwhelming sensations. And, what did that all lead to?   The letter. It pushed me to write and send the letter. I had so many doors closed on me that I felt I had nothing to loose.   I finally addressed the question I had been wondering for months. 

If 5696 had remained on the catalog, I would never have made the moves that I did. He NEEDED to be removed! It was the kick in the ass that I needed to follow through with something I had been considering for a very long time. Thank goodness he was removed!!! I would never have felt as proud of myself as I do now. I would never have taken the risk that I did. I would have been left wondering. Thank you Creator! I clearly see and hear your message!

I will say it again - the Universe works in mysterious ways. Creator has a plan for each of us. The roadsigns along our path of life are sometimes fuzzy and difficult to comprehend, but this signal could not have been more clear. Thank goodness for the awareness I've been granted. I am thankful for every moment! Though I feel as if my path may have went in a few circles, over a number of hurdles, up steep inclines and barreling down cliff sides, I feel as if I'm on track now. I am skipping gaily along the yellow brick road...and toting along with me, two vials of 5696!