I can hardly believe that I will be on a plane to Barbados at this time, one week from today. I know it's happening, but honestly I don't think it's really hit home that I'm going through with IVF. Not sure if it's shell shock or if it's because I've been so darn busy that I haven't had the time to think much about it. Or, could it be that I've been trying for oh so long and have gone through with so many attempts to get pregnant that this is all very routine and rote for me now? Golly, I don't know.
Last week Saturday, I started my injections and a few days later took my last birth control pill. All this is no different from what I had to do when undergoing injections to prepare for my medicated IUI cycles. The pills and injections help to quiet the ovaries so that the docs and fertility clinic can later hijack my reproductive system and call the shots as to when my eggies should grow, how big they should grow and when to allow them to ovulate.
The only difference this time around is that I am not using Lupron, as I did with my previous medicated cycles. Instead, I am using Buserelin, essentially the same drug, but manufactured by a European pharmaceutical company. Which means it's significantly cheaper, yay! Which is great since my insurance is paying for zero, zip, zilch!
So, I've given myself a daily injection of Buserelin (50 units) for a week now, every morning. I was pretty much a pro after my first medicated cycle, so it hasn't been such a big deal. Tomorrow, Monday, I go in for my baseline sonogram. My doctor at Kaiser will then fax the results of the sono to Barbados Fertility Clinic (BFC) and the clinic will then contact me to let me know if I should proceed with the next injections.
The next injections will be Menopur, the same drug I used for my medicated cycle. Again, no different. Only, BFC is being far more aggressive than Kaiser (which I'm actually happy about). Kaiser at the most prescribed 3 vials of Menopur. BFC is doubling it and prescribing 6 vials a day! Grow eggies, grow! At one time I was afraid my body would produce far too many eggs and I would take the risk of having to decide what to do if multiple eggs fertilized and implanted. Now however, I am welcoming the drugs, cheering my follicles on and praying for an egg factory! The more the merrier!
With IVF, if I produce oodles of eggs, the mature ones can all be removed, fertilized and those that survive may either be implanted in me or frozen for future use. So, let's have at it - Goooo eggs! (shaking pom poms)
Well that's about it for drugs, until later this week. All else is quiet - well, not really. I've been mad, crazy, busy with school - final assessments, report cards, packing up my classroom to move to our new modernized classrooms, blah, blah, blah. On top of that, HOT HULA classes have kept me active, exercising and doing what I love - dancing! Oh and, I've been updating my resume. Why, you ask? Well, for one, my resume still indicates that I'm a student teacher. So yeah, it's 12 years old. But the other reason for updating? Well...I'll need to let you know in a few more weeks...
Yesterday I went to a Single Mother's by Choice (SMC) meeting. I was going to meetings regularly when I first started trying to conceive. Then, I got distracted by HOT HULA, weekend getaways and life. I've recently gone back to meetings and it's been interesting. Interesting because I think I'm a totally different person now. I used to be the eager, hopeful, starry eyed newbie. I used to think all was possible and that "my turn" was just around the corner. Now, dare I say I've been jaded, given a reality check, and become more realistic?
Gosh, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I am still hopeful. And positive. In my heart, I know this is going to happen. When, who knows? But, it will. At the same time however, when I look upon all the newbies at the SMC meeting, I see the old me in so many of the new tryers and I hate to say it, but I get a very "glass half empty" attitude. But then, one of the ladies announces she's pregnant and after hugs and tears, a new mom enters with her precious 4 month old, and there's a new reality check. There is hope. This does work. Keep on truckin.
Yesterday's SMC meeting was difficult and great all at the same time. It's not easy to hear pregnancy announcements when you've been trying for almost two years, and especially from someone who only tried three times. It's not any easier to hear that the new mom got pregnant on her first try. That all sucks. And I hate the part of me that gets jealous and envious. But then I love the part of me that also feels their joy, sheds a tear and congratulates them with dear compassion. This is a painful journey, I can definitely testify. No woman deserves the heartache, but every woman who fights the battle deserves their bundle of joy.
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