So the at-home sexy time with syringe was just as unsuccessful as the previous five doctor-assisted IUI attempts. No worries, I'm not blaming 5696. It was our first date and we're just starting to get to know each other.
Surprisingly, even after another failed attempt, I've been in a remarkable mood this month. Really, I have. Astounding, yes, I know. It took my Sistren Sandy to point out to me that perhaps I've been feeling pleasant and upbeat because I opted to not take hormones this month. Dagnamit, that's got to be it!
Yes, indeed, this month I decided to not inseminate and therefor not take the ovulatory stimulant, Clomid. For the first time in four months, I feel stress-free, content and above all, free! Wow, what a difference! I can't begin to explain how different a person I have been this month! I've also been attending the East Bay Church with Sistrens Chrissy, Cil and Azh, and that's been positive and uplifting. I've been going to bed earlier, reading more and simply enjoying life. Incredible!
With a heavy heart, I decided to not inseminate this month. Though I'm a little sad and disappointed that I had to press pause on operation "Baby-Making" this month, the reasons for doing so were important to me. I needed to give myself time to pursue possibilities, play a bit, and now I'm realizing, time to take a break from the drugs. Everything happens for a reason, right? Had I not decided to take this month off, I would never had discovered how detrimental the Clomid was on my attitude, state of being and pyhsical body.
In my time off the drugs (geesh, I sound like an addict), I've been able to get back to the gym, dance with passion, make the decision to compete in solos, and spend time dating and having fun with a "special friend." I also visited San Francisco Kaiser's Endocrinologist, Dr. Huang to discuss Operation Turkey-Baste's next steps.
Dr Huang, is the specialist my gynecologist recommended I see, when I started this journey. I wasn't able to schedule an appointment with him however, as he is one of only two endocrinologists in San Francisco - he's apparently the better of the two, I'm now learning.
Since Dr. Huang was booked solid for several months, I settled with Dr. Feigenbaum, the "left over" physician. I remember the day I arrived at his Geary Blvd. office - hopeful, inspired and excited to get my journey started. He began with a series of personal questions, several of which I later realized were inappropriate and took offense to. In so many ways, he insinuated that I was promiscuous, carried an STD and requested I take a pregnancy test since I had skipped a period while traveling for six weeks in Indonesia. I sensed that he did not approve of my decision to become a single mother and I asked if he would be asking the same questions and giving the same recommendations to a married woman who sat in his office with her partner. After fumbling over his words and attempting to redeem himself, I left his office discouraged, scared and sought refuge, crying, in the parking lot. After such a negative experience, it's no wonder I never returned to SF Kaiser for my inseminations.
I did however, return recently to meet with Dr. Huang, whom I felt instantly comfortable with and deeply appreciated his professional and patient demeanor. We discussed next steps of mission make-a-baby. I explained that I had had five unsuccessful IUI's and wanted to know whether I should pursue more evasive procedures. He clearly explained my options, posing no judgement and offering no personal suggestions. My next option, should I chose, would be to go with hormone injections, in which I would inject myself at home, with a daily dose of hormones and return to the clinic frequently to monitor the growth of follicles and egg development. The costs are high - $1500 a cycle. Add that to the cost of sperm -$650 - yowzers!
Dr. Huang also offered to take a sonogram of my uterus to determine whether there were any problems, such as fibroids, that could be hindering my chances of getting pregnant. A chance to see a picture of my uterus!? I was totally game!
Dr. Huang led me down the hall to a room wallpapered with posters of "the cycle of life," and a sonogram machine resting in the center of the room. A female nurse remained in the room as Dr. Huang conducted the procedure. He inserted a long, narrow speculum into me and miraculously, on the screen, I could see the insides of my uterus! Simply amazing! He gently maneuvered the wand around and showed me both of my ovaries. Examining the small television screen, he counted the darker, fuzzier spots on each ovary, which turned out to be the follicles growing on each - 9 on the right side and five on the left - both good numbers (he hopped for at least five on each).
After the exam, Dr. Huang was happy to report that all appeared normal. He reviewed by next-step options with me once again. I explained to him that I was considering trying to conceive naturally (or as naturally as this progress could possibly be) the next time around, as I think my positive mental attitude, off the drugs, could be a benefit to my physical state. Dr. Huang was supportive of my decision and encouraged me to return to SF Kaiser to continue my inseminations.
So, the HSG proved that my tubes were clear, and now this sonogram determined that my uterus is healthy as well. All systems go, once again! Though the time off has been good for me, I'm looking forward to getting back to inseminating next month and date #2 with 5696. Until then, you can find me reveling in my blissful state, taking it easy and maybe even doing some fishing! haha
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